Drifting souless across the field
Don’t ask what happened, my lips are sealed
For what I am, is broken apart
Stumbling aimlessly in the dark.
Trip and fall, it breaks me down
On my face, a restless frown
Because what happened, I cannot say
Watch me, watch me, as I drift away.
Going. Going. Gone.
Today, I realized that it doesn’t take something out of the ordinary to happen to trigger feelings so intense that it knocks your whole world sideways.
So don’t ask me what happened..
Nothing happened per se. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just it triggered something. Something fundamental. And like a water pipe that’s been axed, water spilled and it won’t stop flowing.
I don’t know how to explain what’s happening within
All I know is that I’m drowning, I don’t want to swim
I’m smiling on the outside, but there’s tears on the brim
I’m fighting an uphill battle, and there’s no way to win.
The demons lurk inside of me, hungry to be free
Restless and eager, they destroy what’s left of me
My glass is neither half full, nor is it half empty
It’s broken with small shards stuck in my feet
As I walk, I leave bloodied footprints all over the place
But you would never know it by the look on my face
On the outside I look happy, but it’s rarely the case
But my life no longer matters, it’s about to be erased.
Select All. Delete.
June 18, 2010. 12:20am.
Delve deep into the recesses of my soul
Within me lurks an emptiness, oh so cold
A vessel devoid of feelings, numbness prevails
Desolate eyes, only return blank stares
Lifeless drone has become my descriptor
Demons consume, they’ve become the victor
Without warmth, I’ve now become barren
Abandon hope…
I can’t be saved.
Entry 1:
Walking around with a loaded pistol
Life’s a blur, now it’s crystal
With one explosion, it’ll rip apart
My mind, my feelings and my heart
Self-destructive is what I’ve become
To the demons, I have succumbed
And with this shot, I will undue
All the lies and make them true
Because the truth is…
————————————————————————————————————————
Entry 2:
Transgressions of the heart
Transgressions of the mind
Break me, forsake me,
Leave me blind
————————————————————————————————————————
Entry 3:
I cannot undue what I have done
I cannot change what I have become
Confusion runs deep within my veins
But I’m the only person that is to blame
Because it’s my fault, can’t you see…
————————————————————————————————————————
I’ve decided to bring some of my poetry to life through the use of images.
Below is the first one I’m satisfied with. Leave me a comment as to what you think!
Expect more to come as time progresses.
Sometimes
Things are held so close to our hearts
We’re afraid to say a word
What will you say?
Am I crazy?
I’m scared
So scared.
And for what?
What’s lost is lost
How can I lose more
But…still
Fear.
My boyfriend recommended I watch the above youtube video, an interview with Tony Robbins. I had heard of Tony Robbins before but never listened to any of his stuff and while I knew it must be worthwhile if it was being recommended, I never got around to it until today.
First off, thanks boyfriend for the recomendation. Definately got me thinking. I had to watch it twice to get the real effect of it and certain parts of it stuck out to me. I would mention what parts but I think that for each person different parts will strike a chord and I dont want to sway anyone one way or another so check it out and see what strikes a chord for you. And then think about it. Actually think about it.
Let’s see what comes up.
Note to self: look further into Tony Robbins and his work.
Enjoy!
You have taught me to be stronger, not through your words but through your actions. You have taught me that life is about how we frame things and to be more positive. You have helped me get through my most difficult trials and held me while I cried. You have supported me through everything and for that I’m so grateful. I never would have expected that I could fall for you the way I have. Never would have thought that you could change me this way, more optimistic, more calm. I still write dark, that’s just what comes out. But slowly that’s changing and slowly I’m learning how to let go of the past, it will take time but it’s happening and for that, I thank you. Be patient with me as you already have. I promise to return the favour.
It’s something about you that makes me want to just hold you close and never let you go. You’re so strong and I admire you but I want you to know that whenever you need to rest your head or need me to hold your hand, I will and even when you don’t need it, I will. I hope this goes forward, I cannot imagine how I could have gotten through the past while without you. There is no one else that I would rather be with than you. Thank you and know that I love you, and will support you no matter what happens. Hold my hand, we’ll get through any obstacle and never forget how much I believe in you. You can do this and can achieve any dream that you wish to fulfill. I’ll support you, remember that I’m here. For now and for always.
Rusa
Let the stress impede
Let my heart implode
Let everything fall
While I explode.
Let the poison drip
Hooked to my arm’s IV
Pump its release
Throughout my body
Let my body shake
Reaction to this drip
My pride is taken, its -
Stripped, stripped, stripped.
Stare empty forward
Haunted glass eyes
While this vessel fills
Leads to my demise
Haunted poetry
Demons possess
Leave written words
All a mess.
